aku ingatkan aku dah ok

bila aku turun ke bandar,
perasaan sakit di dada tue semakin kurang.
x sesakit yg dulu..

aku ingatkan aku dah ok.

bila aku memikirkan semula kesibukan tahun pertama ku di universiti,
aku x byk mengingat mu.
aku busy.

aku ingatkan aku dah lupa.

bila aku pergi ke sekolah balik,
jumpa kawan lama,
aku rasa seronok, excited,
tiada perasaan seperti dulu..

aku ingatkan aku dah sembuh.

tapi, mungkin..
akulah masalahnya.
masa lapang itu menjahamkan.. benar..
aku x byk memikirkan dirimu,
tapi hampir setiap hari kau muncul dalam mimpi aku tanpa aku rela kan..
tapi kdg2x aku rasa bersyukur,
jumpa dalam mimpi pun dah cukup :')

pada mulanya, aku benar2x yakin mengakui i'm getting better.
dan.. aku merasakan sdh bersedia to let it go..
mungkin ini ujian di waktu lapang.
takpalah.. tahun demi tahun, masa akan berlalu,,
i will get better.
i will.
i promise.

exam summer

hari ini. bgn lmbt. x buat apa2x.. ckp dgn mak, aku pening kepala lah sbb x buat papa hari nie.. haha.. then kakak aku menyampuk, byk kerja tue bulan, pi lah kau lap2x meja, almari semua.. kbye....!! aku nak rehat sepuasnya2x....

ok nak cerita apa eh.. cerita exam lah..!

mula2x sekali ambik exam biophysics kan.. sbb dah lepas semua kredit test, alhamdulillah.... so kena ambik oral praktikal je.. around like 28 question to cover lah.. and you know what, i make last minute decision to take the exam 1 week earlier than it should be.. haha.. poyo je.. prepared for like 3 days lah utk praktikal tue.. x susah sgt pun sebenarnya as long as you understatnd the experiment, knows how to conduct, then you'll be fine. but the thing is it's my oral exam so first experiences always give a butterfly in your stomach. alhamdulillah.. dpt soalan yg boleh dijawab.. lepas jugak lah.. alhamdulillah..

then, then,, czech exam.. i'm not really performed that well in translation as it was really hard script, even my teacher admit it, but the speaking part, i'm kind of did well.. well perhaps because that it's just a simple question from her like "do you have a big family?", "are you look forward to go back?". fully in czech language. superb!

the very heavy and tough subject follows, anatomy.. huh.. this subject really fun, that's the only subject that you can tell your family about that you had touch the cadaver, you had cut them, oh yeah.. haha!! but the information there, is really really too much and you had to memorized every single thing of them. even the very last word of the last paragraph on a page you had to consider them much. when it's the exam, i was very nervous as i know i'm not ready, it's not possible to remember everything there, impossible.!! 10 minutes before entering the anatomy department, it feels like i didn''t study any for the last two weeks. i was blur and nervous.
but alhamdulillah i got quite an easy question and i passed with kutal. anatomy... huh!

the very last exam, biology. i spent only like 4 days for this, plus that my eager to go back increase tremendeously.. ohhh it's a very stressful moment. i love bio, but the thing is, i think that 4 days is so not enough for you to understand them much. bio need an understanding, but as a whole, as it links to each other, each chapter... but then once again, i got question that you can breath relieve when you read them.. alhamdulillah.. Allah ease my way this time. and qilah also passed, even though she got a quite hard question.

exam is over. first year officially DONE !!

summer holiday..

alhamdulillah....!!!

beta dah selamat sampai dekat TAWAU!!! wuhuuuu!
eh jap,, sejak bila plak guna beta nie?? alah.. aku kan anak raja.. hahaha.. ini serius wei..

ok. 12 hours dlm flight, transit kat dubai, dubai seriously panas wei...unexpected sgt panas dia.. tp view dubai bila malam sgtlah cantik2x, tp bila siang, speechless,, betulkah nie yg aku tgk semalam...??? k dah dah cerita dubai.. oh tak cerita plak terlambat bgn kat hotel dubai tue.. naseb baek... huh...

sampai malaysia, huh... excited sgt2x.... weh weh dorg ckp malaysia weh... poyo je aku dkat klia tue excited dgr org cakap malaysia.. haha.. best tau tak pengalaman balik malaysia for the first time.. excitednya teramat2 lah sgt... perumpamaan i'm willing to do anything for these feeling.. awesome!!!!

ok x cerita pun pasal exam.. kan kan... last post pun pasal frust dgn dissection week.. ok lah nanti post lain beta cerita pasal exam ok..!

skrg beta dah kat rumah..!! seminggu stay kat kl, jalan hampir setiap hari tau,, shopping!! huhu... malaysia seriously heaven dgn food tau tak..! murah plak tue...!!! huh.. selera meningkat2 sejak balik sini.. hehe..

alhamdulillah baru sak tadi selesai baca doa selamat... doa selamat puasa, selamat abg tam dah keja, selamat aku dah balik.. alhamdulillah rezeki Allah melimpah sgt2x...

perasaan bila balik rumah, huh.... unexplainable..! sgt2x awesome... seronok!!!! yg paling2x indah tau tak ??? Allah berikan kesempatan utk berjumpa dgn 2 org yg paling aku syg.. MAK AYAH...

ohhh 2 months, please.... please pass slowly... as you can.. :(

23/05

a lot of things happened.
i didn't told you about i passed my biophysics,
i didn't told you about i had dissection week,
i didn't told u about i settled down my credit test,
i didn't told you about i met the opthalmist today

but what i wanna tell you, NOW..

i was down to the earth. i lose the spirit, i lose the willingness, i lose that mood.
everyone seems like knowing everything, but i.... i was left far behind..
i know nothing about what they know.. they're smart, me??? hmmmm..

and i've been keeping them from monday, i'm working full time in class till that i was very, very tired and had no time for self study, i was dizzy, and about to faint, but i'll just keep them.

and it's all burst today. the class was so noisy, i was asking my friend to teach me personally, bcause i know nothing, but she was busy studying other region, well i did explain my region to you, why not u??

i was really, really, REALLY down that time. i don't know why i got angry easily this lately. plus that stupid nonsense gossip, i don't think i can hold it anymore.

suddenly, my tear gland function abnormally. it wants to secrete tears..  so i rushed to to the toilet, and release everything there. maybe not everything.

now, no one to be told, no one ask, no one knows, no one concern, no one...
i guess that books always be the loyal accomopanied for me..

diari minggu ini

assalamualaikum...

diari minggu ini..
rabu yg lepas, aku ada skull test. well, it's not that hard to study skull(recognizing the bone and vessel, nerves that passes through the foramen), it's just that we had too many other things to revise, so didin't study much for it.. really :(  so, me and grace had decided to go to the museum almost everyday, spending for like 1-2 hours study skull. enough! because the best way to memorize all that almost 50+ termonological name for skull, is to have that skull right in front of you. read, touch and memorize where and how it looks.
belum habis pun ayat dr kutal bila dia mention ttg skull "SO WHO WANTS...." aku terus angkat tangan. "who wants to take the test today?" i think that almost everyone wants to settle down the skull that day, because after this a lot and a lot more test are coming. so dr kutal continued his routine just like another wednesday, revised the morning lecture, and take us to the dissection room to see the specimen. but my mind, was thinking about skull. saying all the name of the bone, but only me that heard them. right after that, i was waiting so nervously outside the class, while Pedro and Ayman were tested inside, it feels like my my heart beats faster than it. well that's normal, whenever i'll have test, i'll always be like that.

i'm going inside, but it's Grace turns first. "Gud luck Grace !" i was sitting behind her. and that dr kutal decide that he will give question to three of us, while asking Grace, we will have time to revise. well that's better!! for me lah.. so Grace got that middle cranial fossa, i got that orbital question, Syah got nasal bone.

oooohhh seriously i never studied orbital bone specifically before. ok fine aku akan kelentong je nie..!! Grace past. alhamdulillah.. now it's my turn. " ok this is obital part of skull bone. this is the base, and this is the apex. supraorbital margin is formed by frontal bone, infraorbital margin by maxilla bone, lateral margin by zygomatic bone, and medial margin by... l a c r i m a l bone??" dr kutal geleng kepala sambil tunjuk2 tulang tue. "ohh no no frontal process of maxilla bone!" huh.. nasib baik.

next question "what's the supraobital fossa medially and laterally on orbital?" aku pun.. "ooowwhh, supraorbital notch and frontal notch!!!" "NOOOOOO..! i means this one." ah sudah aku dah cuak dah.. hmmmmm.. hmmmmm. hmmmmmm.. finally gave up "what is it??(sambil buat muka curious.. hehe). "its the blablabla and lacrimal fossa...." oooooooooooooooooo.....

then everything going smoothly. he ask me about the roof, floor, apex, optic canal, seperior orbital margin, inferior orbital margin. and the result is "ok we're done. i'm going to give you maybe um.. B or C... ok i give you B" huh.. can't believe that.. alhamdulillah..

but the main point that i want to tell here, when i stepped in to the dissection room, where all my friends are waiting there, everyone was just like STARING to me.." mcm mana2?" huh,, i smiled. "Alhamdulillah aku lepas" actually. the sad part is, i can't control myself that time. i was so excited, and i feel like wants to tell them the whole story!!!!!!!!! which is supposedly,, supposedly, supposedly, i should not show that kind of reaction. because they haven't take it, so i'm afraid that they'll get hurt by it.. STUPID ME!!!! it's just that, this is the first oral test that i passed. during entrance exam, i was cried after it because it's 50:50 to enter that uni, while all my friends got that confirmation. and during that post dissect, i failed 2x, and only this time, for the first time, i passed my oral test.  sorry people for being selfish.. i'm really sorry.. :(
but after that, i smiled when i saw Grace, because she passed too, and the best thing is, we study together, ad we passed together. that's the sweet thing :')

and on thursday morning, i just got knew that, " dear su, i'm sorry. you failed the test-dr radka". ahhh.. memang dah agak dah. takpa2.. boleh repeat..:)

and for today, i had that histo test. ahhh agak tough gak soalan kali nie. and i got that 69% something. huh.. apa2pun alhamdulillah dulu.. bersyukur dgn apa yg ada.. then, we had first aid, which was really fun for this time, because we demonstrated all that first aid practical that we know. very informative. but then, ada test plak!!!!!!!!!! ok fine rasanya semua org tak bersedia kot. memang tak tau pun ada test. seriously!! ok just layan je.. 15 question, and boleh salah 3 je. FYNE!!!!!!! ok buat je.. buat je...

sementara menunggu result, rumour2 mengatakan ramai failed. ah sudah. tp mmg x study pun. then when it is my turn, my paper was marked right in front of me, ah x sanggup aku nak tgk.. aku rasa aku failed nie. adui.. "su, ko pass!!!" HAH???? HAH???? wahhhhh .... smiled.:) tp ramai gak yg x lepas.. tak tau lah nak ckp mcm mana. xtau nak tunjuk reaksi mcm mana. seriously aku failed bila sampai bab2 nie.

kesimpulan cerita ini : alhamdulillah ya Allah. for everything that u gave me this week, for all the result, for the strength. i had been through this week!! i made it !! and another two hectic weeks before the dissection week.. fighting!!!

summer dah datang

assalamualaikum...

saya ingin mendeclarekan yg suhu hari nie 27 degree.. makkk aiii..

punyalah panas.. aku tak taulah apsal panas dia rasa lebih panas berbanding malaysia..

mgkn sebab dah terbiasa exposed dgn cuaca sejuk kot sebelum nie.. hehehe..

jumaat yg lalu, x silap aku lah.. aku baru keluar dr bangunan reception sbb nak ambik kunci laundry, tiba2 sorg mamat nie main roler blade, agak laju gak lah.. then bila ku tgk atas... x pakai baju????? seluar pendek je kot. aku terus menundukkan pendangan sbb agak terkesima sedikit. tp aku mcm x percaya dgn apa yg aku lihat, so aku toleh belakang lg sekali utk konfomkan. yes it's true.. huh..

hari nie plak, aku ada satu kelas je which is at 3 dan kelas komputer je. so aku pun gerak pukul 2 dr bilik. punyalah panas. seriously mcm kat Malaysia. x tipu nie. masuk library aku terus duduk sambil mengipas2 baju "huh panas2".. and the masa balik pulak, tertengok sorg uncle nie, dia bw barang, berseluar panjang, dah ok dah tue, n then bila tgk atas langsung x pakai baju.. astaghfirullahulazim..

agak2 lah gak.. kiteorg kat Malaysia summer sepanjang tahun tp xdalah sampai buka baju segala bagai.

apa2 pun, panas memang panas. dan kerisauan mula terbit di hati kami semua. "mcm mana kita nak mengekalkan keputihan balik Malaysia nie wei?" perbualan hangat aku dgn kawan2 sini... haha.. nampak gayanya weekend nie aku kena beli kipas lah.. bilik pun dah mula panas tau tak..

MUM

mum,
if i have the power...
i will make sure that u will never had that pain,
u will never had that sadness,
u will never had that worry,
u will never had that tears.

i will make sure that u will have pleasant live for the rest of your age.

dear mum, imissyou:'(